Patrick Swayze's Widow: I Will See Him Again

Patrick Swayze's widow Lisa Niemi spoke from the heart Tuesday about losing her husband just six weeks ago, telling a women’s conference that the loss “is like an animal all of its own” and the sadness could be felt “on a cellular level.”

"When the grief takes you, it's like your body is not your own,” Niemi, who was married to the actor for 34 years, said during a roundtable discussion on Grief, Healing and Resilience at the Women's Conference 2009 in Long Beach, California. “I'm just going with the flow. I know I have to go through it."

Speaking for the first time since Swayze's death, Niemi says she's relied on a close group of friends to get through some of her darker hours.

"I have a few girlfriends that are just amazing. They have made themselves available to me 24/7. They say, 'We don't care if it's 2 in the morning, call me'," says Niemi, her blond hair pulled back into a loose bun and wearing an all-black dress. "I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack one evening ... and I picked up the phone and called one, which is really hard for me to do because I'm used to being so self-sufficient and taking care of myself, but the very act of picking the phone up to call someone helped to calm me."

Final Regret

Even though Niemi told Swayze many times every day in his last months, "I love you, I love you," and never left his side, she admits, "I've spent two thirds of my life with him. ... My regret is that I didn't tell him that I loved him enough over that entire 34 years."

"I am so grateful for what I had and my connection to him, and part of me believes that I will see him again," says Niemi, her voice breaking, "and I'm just going to have to go on until then."

Niemi was joined on-stage by Elizabeth Edwards and Susan St. James, both of whom lost children in accidents. The discussion, held before a crowd of 14,000, was moderated by California First Lady and Women's Conference host Maria Shriver, who this summer lost her mother Eunice Shriver and uncle Ted Kennedy.

Tsunami of Grief

Describing her feelings about their deaths and the "tsunami of grief" that has followed, Shriver told the crowd: "Grief cracks your heart into little pieces and that hurts, big time, big time. It's hard to concentrate, it’s hard to see, its hard to feel, it's even hard to breathe."

Despite how put-together she may appear on the outside, Shriver says, "Every minute of every day I can feel my broken heart. I tell all of those close to me, 'Don't worry, I'm fine, really, I am....' The real truth is I'm not fine. The real truth is that my mother's death has brought me to my knees."

Kelly Preston had agreed to join in the roundtable discussion and talk about the death of her son, Jett, but had to drop out. "Kelly called to say it was just too painful for her to talk about Jett," says Shriver. "She said the grief was still too debilitating for her. And I totally understood."

But for Shriver, Edwards, St. James and Niemi, the Women's Conference was the ideal forum for sharing their journey with others. "We all hope that this panel will help the grief-stricken among us to see that there is light at the end of what seems like an endless tunnel," says Shriver. "It is our hope that this conversation will give anyone out there dealing with a broken heart or a shattered soul a sense that you are not alone. Because you are not."

The Women's Conference 2009, hosted by Shriver and Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, gathers more than 100 newsmakers and world opinion leaders with 25,000 women from all walks of life for to be "educated, inspired and empowered to be Architects of Change in their own lives, within their communities and around the world."

Lisa Niemi, will open up to Oprah Winfrey about her life with and love for the actor – and what it was like losing him – in her first one-on-one interview since his death.

Niemi will appear on Friday's episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, on which she will also talk about the book she co-authored with her late husband, The Time of My Life.

Hundreds Mourn Patrick Swayze at Memorial

Guests arriving for Patrick Swayze's private memorial on Sunday were greeted by a lone white horse, which was owned and beloved by the late actor whose boots were facing backwards in the stirrups.

"It's an old horseman tradition," a source told People of the gesture.

Held on the Sony Studios lot in Culver City, Calif., the service – attended by several hundred friends and family, including Whoopi Goldberg – incorporated many photos of Swayze riding his horses, along with a video tribute to the star, who died from pancreatic cancer on September 14th.

The memorial, planned by the actor's wife Lisa Niemi, featured speeches celebrating Swayze's life and a performance by professional dancers in honor of his talent.

"A whole dance floor was built," says another source. "The dancers did these amazing numbers."

Patrick Swayze's Memorial Set for Sunday

A private memorial for Patrick Swayze will be held Sunday at Sony Studios in Culver City, California.

"In lieu of flowers," says a statement released by the late actor's rep, "please make donations to either of the following two organizations: The Patrick Swayze Pancreas Cancer Research Fund ... or Stand Up to Cancer".

Swayze, who died September 14th after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer, helped Stand Up to Cancer raise funds at the organization's TV charity event in September 2008.

Sunday's private memorial comes two weeks after Lake Lure, North Carolina – a town where part of Dirty Dancing was filmed – also had a memorial.

Patrick Swayze Struggled with 'Anger, Bitterness, Despair'

"When my doctors at Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles said the words 'pancreatic cancer,' a single thought popped into my head: I'm a dead man."

So says the late actor Patrick Swayze, who two weeks ago died of the disease at age 57. His inner thoughts on his acting career, his illness and his legacy are being aired in his audiobook Time of My Life, which Simon & Schuster is releasing Tuesday.

In the tapes, which Swayze narrated himself (along with Lisa Niemi), the actor recalls how he sank into a miasma of "anger, bitterness and despair" soon after finding out that he wasn't likely to live past a few months. News of his cancer diagnosis was first announced in spring 2008. He wrote his memoirs in June 2009 at his home in New Mexico.

"Now, a lot of things go through your head when you get a death sentence handed to you, starting with: 'Why me?' " he says. "It's hard not to sink into bitterness … For me, that initial shock quickly turned into self-criticism and blame."

After struggling with a period where he racked his brain trying to figure out what he'd done wrong in his life to deserve cancer, Swayze came out fighting, he says.

"I was not ready to go, and I'd be damned if this disease was going to take me before I was good and ready," he says. "So I said to my doctor, 'Show me where the enemy is and I'll fight him.' "

What followed was what Swayze calls "the most challenging, eye-opening battle I've ever had."

Recalls His High Points

The actor also looks back on his life, including one of the highlights of his career – the pottery-making moment with Demi Moore in 1990's Ghost. "We really made up the scene as we went along," he says. "It was pretty sexy playing in all that clay, so all we had to do was go with it … She was very warm, much warmer than she'd been in the other scenes we'd been in together."

And, a fighter to the end, he says only a couple months before his death that he was still looking for new roles to assume.

"Whenever someone asks me what my legacy is, I say the same thing," he says. "I'm not finished yet."

Patrick Swayze Died the Day Before His Death Was Announced

Patrick Swayze's grieving family said their final goodbyes to the actor in a cowboy-style wake - 24 hours before his death was announced to the world, according to the National Enquirer.

News of the Ghost actor's passing broke on September 14th, the date stated on his death certificate, but the National Enquirer claims Swayze, 57, actually lost his battle with pancreatic cancer the day before, on September 13th.

A family insider tells the publication Swayze was bedridden at his Los Angeles home in the week leading up to his death and slipped into a coma after being heavily medicated.

The star's wife Lisa Niemi called Swayze's mother Patsy and brother Donny in the early hours of September 13th and the trio kept a bedside vigil for more than an hour before he passed away.

A source says, "It was down to a matter of moments. They walked in and stood around Patrick's bed. Patsy and Lisa held his hands and told him it was time to stop fighting. They told him they loved him and it was okay to go.

"By 10:00 am he was gone. Lisa, Don and Patsy all sat quietly with him for a while."

Niemi then reportedly prepared Swayze's body for a "cowboy wake".

The source adds: "First Lisa removed the medicine and supplies from the room. Then she cleaned up Patrick and dressed him in a nice shirt and slacks. The bed linens were changed and Patrick was laid back down on the bed. He looked like he was napping. He was so peaceful."

Forty of the actor's close friends and family were invited to pay their respects to Swayze on the day of his death before his body was taken away by a coroner.

The source says, "Some just stood there looking at Patrick, saying silent prayers. Some kissed him goodbye, and some told his family how wonderful and brave he had been, and that they'd never forget him."

Swayze was reportedly cremated last week. His ashes will be scattered across his beloved ranch in New Mexico later this month.

Swayze's Biggest Regret was not Having Kids

Patrick Swayze wrote in his memoirs that he desperately wanted to become a dad.

The actor, who died of cancer last week, said he was thrilled when his wife Lisa Niemi got pregnant years ago, but her miscarriage in her first trimester devastated them. Following the miscarriage, the couple, who were married for 33 years, tried for another baby, but Lisa failed to get pregnant again.

Writing in his memoirs, The Time Of My Life, Patrick said: "I couldn't wait to become a dad, to have a child with this woman I loved so dearly. And I wanted to be the best father I could be, the kind of father my dad had been to me. I felt completely crushed with grief. We wanted to try again, but the loss had been so devastating that we just couldn't do it right away. We figured we had plenty more years ahead of us. Eventually, we did start trying again hoping Lisa would get pregnant. But she never did."

Patrick was cremated last week and his ashes are being held at his lawyer's office. It is understood the remains will stay at the office until Lisa arranges for them to be moved. His ashes are expected to be scattered at their New Mexico ranch.

Patrick Swayze to Be Cremated

Patrick Swayze lost his battle with pancreatic cancer on Monday at 57 years of age, and he'll have his ashes scattered on his New Mexico Ranch within 48 hours.

RadarOnline reports: “Swayze loved the ranch and visited whenever he could. Swayze turned his Rancho de Dias Alegres (Ranch of Happy Days) into a wildlife preserve and timber farm, he loved the rugged mountains and canyons of his ranch and the cowboy life he led there.”

Patrick was well known in the area, and often told friends it was his favorite place to be. He could often be found flying his private jet across the ranch, and was well-loved by locals.

A host of stars have paid their respects to Patrick following his death, with his Point Break co-star Keanu Reeves being the latest to speak about his memories of the actor.

Keanu said: "There was some skydiving sequences in this film we did together and as filming was going on it came to be that Patrick was jumping out of airplanes all the time.

I think he had over 30 jumps during the course of filming and so the production served him with a cease and desist which he listened to until they got to Hawaii.

Over the course of the movie he jumps out of planes and did the flips and falling to the ground and he did it with an open heart. He was a beautiful person, an artist. He just wanted to experience life and for his work he wanted to take the opportunity of the film and it gave him that sense."

Dancing with the Stars to Pay Tribute to Patrick Swayze

Dancing with the Stars will honor Patrick Swayze on its September 23rd live results show.

“We have some very fond memories of the late actor coming to help us our when we were a tiny little show way back when,” Dancing’s executive producer Conrad Green says.

Swayze, who died of pancreatic cancer on Monday at the age of 57, made a guest appearance on Dancing’s inaugural U.S. season in 2005, teaching friend and fellow actor John O’Hurley a few dance moves in rehearsal. He also came to the show and supported O’Hurley by attending the season 1 finale.

“He was one of the few people to integrate dance with being an A-list actor,” Green says. “He inspired many people and many of our pros to dance. We want to honor the great moments he’s brought to film by getting our dancers to do their interpretation to some music from his films.”

Patrick Swayze Called His Life an 'Amazing Ride'

Seeking to discover whether or not he made a mark on this world, Patrick Swayze penned his memoir, The Time of My Life, earlier this year as he was being treated for pancreatic cancer.

The actor, who died Monday at age 57, co-wrote the book with his wife Lisa Niemi, and in it reveals how he first got the devastating news 20 months ago.

"I had been having some digestive trouble, mostly acid reflux and a kind of bloated feeling, for a few weeks," the actor writes in the book, which comes out Sept. 29. "I've had a sensitive stomach my whole life, so I hadn't thought much of it, but lately I just couldn't shake the constant discomfort."

From the very beginning, Swayze knew what he was up against. "My doctor told me my chances of surviving for more than a few months weren't high," he writes, "and I had no reason to doubt him."

But Swayze fought throughout his illness, even during the production of his A&E cop series, The Beast, in the summer of 2008. "I continued with chemotherapy all the way through the shoot," he said. "But I never took any painkillers since they dull not only your pain but also your sharpness."

Any moments of despair were squelched by Swayze's love of life and the unwavering support of his wife Lisa. "I began thinking to myself, I've had more lifetimes than any 10 people put together, and it's been an amazing ride," writes Swayze. "So this is okay."

For more excerpts from Swayze's book, The Time of My Life, pick up this week's issue of PEOPLE magazine on newsstands Friday

Patrick Swayze's Life in Pictures

Here are some great memories in pictures of Patrick Swayze's personal life and career.

Thanks Patrick for allowing us to "Have the Time of our Live". May he RIP!

Keanu Reeves Recalls Patrick Swayze as 'A Beautiful Person'

When Patrick Swayze was given a task, not only did he deliver to the fullest but he had a blast in the process, recalls onetime costar Keanu Reeves about Swayze, who succumbed to cancer on Monday.

"There was some sky diving sequences in this film we did together and as filming was going on it came to be that Patrick was jumping out of airplanes all the time," Reeves recalled of their 1991 movie Point Break. "I think he had over 30 jumps during the course of filming and so the production served him with a cease and desist which he listened to until they got to Hawaii."

In it, Swayze played a bank-robbing surfer named Bodhi, who forms a bond with the undercover FBI agent (Reeves) assigned to catch him. In the course of the story, "he jumps out of planes and did the flips and falling to the ground and he did it with an open heart," remembers Reeves.

"He was a beautiful person, an artist," he adds. " Patrick, he just wanted to experience life and for his work he wanted to take the opportunity of the film and it gave him that sense."

And he'll always remember his buddy for lighting up a room with his presence. "I can say what I know that he lived life to the fullest," says Reeves, 45. "My sympathies and condolences go out to his friends and family."

Jennifer Grey: I Remember Being in Patrick Swayze's Arms

Patrick Swayze promised never to put Baby in a corner. That signature line – and the sultry dance steps and smoldering chemistry between him and costar Jennifer Grey – rocketed the two young actors to stardom in 1987 with Dirty Dancing.

"When I think of him, I think of being in his arms when we were kids, dancing, practicing the lift in the freezing lake, having a blast doing this tiny little movie we thought no one would ever see," Grey, who played Frances "Baby" Houseman, remembers of Swayze, who died Monday at age 57 after a battle with pancreatic cancer.

Grey, 49, says Swayze was a "real cowboy with a tender heart," who was so fearless doing his own stunts that "it was not surprising to me that the war he waged on his cancer was so courageous and dignified."

"Patrick was a rare and beautiful combination of raw masculinity and amazing grace," she adds. "My heart goes out to his wife and childhood sweetheart, Lisa Niemi, to his mom, Patsy, and to the rest of their family."

Dirty Dancing's choreographer, Kenny Ortega, said in a statement, "Patrick was a great human being who I knew as a loving son, husband, brother and friend. He was one of the most creative, enjoyable and alive people I knew. He did as much for dancing as any man of our generation.

"Patrick loved life, and had such an enthusiasm for everything he did. If he could climb it, he climbed it. If he could write it, he wrote it. If he could dance it, well, we all know he did. He lived."

Ortega concluded, "Patrick Swayze was a loving and soulful man. The planet has lost a big heart. And I, a forever friend. My loving thoughts to Lisa, Patsy and his entire family."

Stars React to Patrick Swayze's Death

Whether Tweeting or releasing statements through reps, celebrities are reacting to Patrick Swayze's death. A small sampling:

• "Patrick you are loved by so many and your light will forever shine in all of our lives. In the words of Sam to Molly. 'It's amazing Molly. The love inside, you take it with you.' I will miss you."
– Demi Moore

• "I will always cherish my amazing memories of Patrick ... we had so much fun together ... come back soon, Patrick, we need you here on earth."
– Kirstie Alley

• "He fought the bravest battle and sadly lost. My heart goes out to his wonderful Lisa, his wife and soulmate for 34 years."
– Barbara Walters

• "Patrick Swayze was a kindred spirit and a spiritual brother of mine. His focus was center target and his purpose was ... faith, kindness, grace, understanding and love. Patrick Swayze's Book of Life will never be over because he's moved on to the spiritual plateau where life is forever."
– Gary Busey

• "RIP Patrick. You were a great talent. And more importantly ... a true gentleman."
– Alyssa Milano

• "I have a great deal of faith in faith; if u believe something strongly enough, it becomes true for u. Patrick Swayze RIP."
– Amanda Bynes

• "RIP. My heart hurts"
– Emily Rossum

• "He was so brave & he fought so valiantly"
– Rose McGowan

• Patrick fought the ultimate fight as passionate as he embraced his life ... with strength, dignity and grace. His love of his work and family was inspirational. He touched so many."
– Ralph Macchio

• "Not only did we lose a fine actor today, I lost my older Outsiders brother. My heart goes out to not only his entire family, but all his fans as well."
– C. Thomas Howell

BREAKING NEWS! Patrick Swayze Dies at 57

Patrick Swayze lost his battle with pancreatic cancer today at the age of 57.

"Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months," his rep said in a statement.

A gifted dancer, a rugged outdoorsman, a romantic leading man and a loving husband, Swayze was also, as his brother Don put it, "a warrior" in his cancer fight.

The actor continued working on his A&E series The Beast even as he underwent chemotherapy – and never lost hope. About his prognosis, he did admit in a Barbara Walters interview that aired in January, "There's a lot of fear here. Yeah, I'm scared. Yeah, I'm angry. Yeah, I'm [asking], 'Why me?' "

A month before, Swayze had issued a statement to PEOPLE in regard to speculation about his health, saying that such questions "cast a negative shadow on the positive and good fight I'm fighting."

Texas Native

One of five children raised in Houston, Texas, by Patsy, a dance teacher, and Jesse, a champion rodeo cowboy, Swayze grew up dancing in his mom's studio and met his future wife, Lisa Niemi, when the two teenagers were both students there.

It was the beginning of one of Hollywood's most enduring romances: Swayze and Niemi, 53, were married 32 years and were "so inspiring to all of us," says their friend, actress Natasha Richardson.

Over the years, the couple – both pilots who often flew together and who shared a love of horseback riding and the outdoors – would see Swayze's career take off.

Dirty Dancing and Ghost

After breaking through in 1983's The Outsiders, he secured a spot in movie romance history with iconic turns in 1987's Dirty Dancing and 1990's Ghost. In all his roles, he cited Lisa as an inspiration.

"Lisa and I have built just about every character I've done," he told PEOPLE in 2007. "You have to understand, we have an ease. ... We've been partners for a long time."

It was Lisa who proved a "pillar of strength" during the trying past year, said her brother-in-law Don. United in their focus to overcome the awful odds – pancreatic cancer has just a 5 percent survival rate within five years of diagnosis – the couple maintained a fierce determination.

In fall 2008, he told The New York Times that although chemo had been "hell on wheels," he refused to quit fighting.

"There is probably that little bird that flies through your insides and says, 'I sure would like to make a mark in life,'" he said. "I've made a pretty decent mark so far – nothing to scoff at. But it does make you think: Wait a minute. There's more I want to do. Lots more. Get on with it."

Rep Denies Patrick Swayze Death Rumor

Patrick Swayze, whose battle with pancreatic cancer was first announced last year, has not died, contrary to a false rumor that was widely circulated Tuesday morning.

"This is to confirm that Patrick Swayze did not pass away this morning contrary to severely reckless reports stemming from a radio station in Jacksonville, Florida," says Annett Wolf. "Patrick Swayze is alive, well and is enjoying his life and he continues to respond to treatment."

Since news of his disease was made public, Swayze, 56, has been the subject of speculation about his health. In March, he told People: "I hope in the future, the press will think twice about printing inaccuracies and painting an unpleasant picture when I have so much to be thankful for at this time."

Swayze Remembers Co-star Richardson

Patrick Swayze has paid tribute to his former co-star Natasha Richardson, insisting "the world will be a different place" without the actress.

The actor, who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, worked with the tragic star on 2002's Waking Up in Reno.

And Swayze has been left devastated by the loss of Richardson, who died on Wednesday after a fall while skiing on the slopes of Mont Tremblant in Montreal, Canada two days previously had left her with a serious brain injury.

He says, "It is such a great loss to this community to lose an actress and person such as Natasha. Gifts like her don't come along very often. It's a rare thing in this industry to have someone with so much talent, beauty, and dedication and yet is imbued with such humility.

"I know for me and many other people, the world will be a different place without her. My heart goes out to Liam and his two boys, but I'm sure that Natasha's light is shining down on them."

Swayze Blasts Press for Inaccurate Stories

Patrick Swayze has blasted tabloid reports he is losing his battle against pancreatic cancer, accusing the press of fabricating lies to "paint an unpleasant picture" about his health.

This week's National Enquirer alleged Swayze's condition is fast deteriorating, publishing photos of a bald and gaunt actor hooked up to a chemotherapy catheter looking frail.

But the star has denied the publication's claims he is "close to the end", insisting he is continuing with his treatment.

He tells People.com, "It's amazing to me that the tabloids such as the National Enquirer print such negative stories about me and my health when there are so many positive things going on in my life right now.

"I've started a new chemotherapy and, once again, I am one of the lucky ones with pancreatic cancer that is responding well to the treatment."

And the 56-year-old is keeping a positive outlook, thanks to various projects - and a new pet: "There is a brand new, 12-week-old, Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy named Kumasai in my life who is gorgeous and already showing that he will be one special dog.

"I am starting work on my new book, in addition to enjoying the fantastic response from everyone on my A&E series The Beast.

"I hope in the future, the press will think twice about printing inaccuracies and painting an unpleasant picture when I have so much to be thankful for at this time."

Patrick Swayze Released From Hospital

Patrick Swayze has been released from the hospital, his rep confirms.

"I am happy to announce that Patrick Swayze is home after a brief hospitalization for pneumonia," his rep Annett Wolf tells People exclusively.

Swayze, 56, checked himself into the hospital for observation on Jan. 9 after revealing he had pneumonia, canceling his appearance at the Television Critics Association press event to promote his new A&E series, The Beast, which premiered Jan. 15.

The actor is battling pancreatic cancer but says his spirit is strong.

"I am alive and plan on continuing to stay that way," he told People recently.

Swayze is back home, resting with wife Lisa, 52. "I admire everything imaginable [about Patrick]," she told People recently, "especially his courage, strength and humor."

Source: People.com

Patrick Swayze Checks Into Hospital with Pneumonia

Patrick Swayze has pneumonia and has checked himself into a hospital for observation, it was revealed Friday at a press event for the Television Critics Association in Los Angeles.

"As we arrived here this morning we have some news," said A&E president Abbe Raven. "Patrick Swayze has checked himself into the hospital. However, he asked us specifically to go forward with today's panel. We wish him the very best with his recovery."

Bob DeBitetto, the president and general manager of A&E, delivered the news that Swayze had decided to check himself into the hospital after he came down with pneumonia.

Swayze, who is battling pancreatic cancer, had been expected to discuss his new show, The Beast, scheduled to begin airing Jan. 15.

Patrick is undergoing treatment and he's still fighting," a source close to the star tells People. "He felt so bad that he couldn't be at the TCAs. He's fighting and doing well, and that's all anybody can hope for at this stage. He is not at death's door. Nobody ever knows with cancer, but he's doing alright. As soon as he's out, he's going to try to reschedule as much as he can.

Adds another source close to the situation, "He knows he's not a miracle. There's only so much he can do. He needs to take care of himself, so he checked himself in to get the help he needs."

During an interview that aired Wednesday on ABC, the actor told Barbara Walters that his road has been difficult. "You can bet that I'm going through hell," he said. "And I've only seen the beginning of it."

Swayze, 56, who went public with his diagnosis last March, said the disease has taken an emotional toll. "There's a lot of fear here," he said. "Yeah, I'm scared. Yeah, I'm angry. Yeah, I'm [asking], why me."

Despite his difficult year battling cancer, Swayze is still looking ahead. "I keep dreaming of a future, a future with a long and healthy life," he said, "not lived in the shadow of cancer, but in the light."

At the TCA event in L.A., Swayze's colleagues on the show opened up about the actor's personal struggle. "[He's] been an absolute inspiration, he's an amazing guy," said costar Travis Fimmel. "He makes the little things seem not important."

Bill Rotko, creator of The Beast, said: "Although you forget sometimes that Patrick's going through treatment for cancer, it brings you very close together. There's a tremendous amount of respect going on."

Beast executive producer John Romano added that Swayze gives the show 100 percent. "He's bringing the force of his own personal struggle into the performance," he said. "He does it five days a week, 12 hours a day."

Source: People.com

Scared Swayze Says He May Have Only 2 Years to Live

Actor Patrick Swayze, in his first television interview since being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year, said he was scared, angry and "going through hell" and may only have two years to live.

A year after his diagnosis with one of the most deadly forms of cancer, the "Dirty Dancing" star told TV interviewer Barbara Walters that he already has defied survival rates and reports predicting he should have "been dead a long time."

But he acknowledged his time may be short. "I'd say five years is pretty wishful thinking. Two years seems likely if you're going to believe statistics. I want to last until they find a cure, which means I'd better get a fire under it."

The American Cancer Society says pancreatic cancer has only a five percent, five-year survival rate. The majority of patients die within six months.

"You can bet I'm going through hell," Swayze told Walters in the interview to be broadcast on ABC on Wednesday.

"There's a lot of fear here ... Yeah, I'm scared. Yeah, I'm angry. Yeah, I'm (asking) why me?" Swayze, 56, told Walters.

But he denied reports he was near death. "Am I dying? Am I giving up? Am I on my death bed? Am I saying goodbye to people? No way."

Swayze said doctors diagnosed stage 4 pancreatic cancer last January, with the cancer already having spread to his liver.

DREAMING OF A FUTURE

The actor and dancer underwent an aggressive course of chemotherapy and treatment with an experimental drug. He then stunned the industry by starting to film a new TV detective series "The Beast" while undergoing treatment and without taking pain-killers.

"I think everybody thought I was out of my mind, you know, thinking I'm gonna pull off a TV show," he said of the 12-hour work days, mostly in cold, Chicago night conditions.

"When you're shooting you can't do drugs," Swayze said of his decision not to take pain-killers. "I can't do Hydrocodone or Vicodin or these kinds of things that take the edge off of it, 'cause it takes the edge off of your brain."

In five months of filming, Swayze missed a day and a half of work. "The Beast" starts airing on the A&E cable TV network on January 15.

Swayze is known around the world for his role as the dance instructor in the 1987 coming of age movie "Dirty Dancing" which inspired hit stage shows in London, Australia and Canada. He went on to star with Demi Moore in 1990 film romance "Ghost."

Married to wife Niemi for 33 years, Swayze said he was stunned by the outpouring of love from fans since his diagnosis, although he does not want to be a poster-boy for living with cancer.

"I keep dreaming of a future, a future with a long and healthy life, not lived in the shadow of cancer but in the light," Swayze told Walters.

"What winning is to me, is not giving up, is no matter what's thrown at me, I can take it. And I can keep going," he said.

Source: Reuters